Leave
by Aingealis
Summary: Star-crossed lovers Zero and Yuuki; what is, and what could have been. A series of one shots.
1. Leave

I was bored and slightly emotionally unhinged while studying for my Chemistry trials tomorrow. So this is a very emo rant.  
>Set during the dance when Zero meets Yuuki for the first time after a year.<p>

* * *

><p>I remember this feeling.<p>

It's so familiar, something I know too well but seem to have forgotten. It begins with a sudden chill down my spine; the icy cold in my body as if I've been plunged into an ice bath. This numbness that engulfs me, rendering me unable to do a thing, paralyzed in more ways than one.

Suddenly I'm deaf and dumb. I can hear my own screams so loud and piercing, but nobody else in this crowd seems to have noticed. I can't hear a thing in this party. I'm blind to the entire crowd.

But I can hear you; hear your voice taunting me. There're so many things I need to say to you but I can't utter a single word. In this pitch black darkness, you're all that I see and I see you turning your back leaving me. And it's killing me. You're killing me.

I want to move, to run away; run from this pain; run from you, the cause of my pain. But I can't, I stand rooted to this spot unable to take my eyes off you.

There's this ache that shouldn't be here. It may be my lungs because every breath I take is harder than the last. It may be my stomach, growling from the hunger. It may be my heart, as it takes itself apart piece by microscopic piece.

Sum it all together and it's this pain that's beyond words. All this, just from watching you across a crowded room. Watching you walk away, once again.


	2. Selfish

A/N: Vampire Knight Chapter 74, when Yuuki takes Zero's blood. Written in Zero's POV.

* * *

><p>Selfish. You thought I was thinking of you, thinking of the greater good. In truth, I was only thinking for myself.<p>

I offered myself to you and threatened you to accept. You thought that I wanted to take care of you, to make sure that this fragile peace does not fall apart.  
>No, you're wrong. I was only thinking for myself.<p>

Take my blood, I demanded you to. Take it, I only request that you do not pry into my heart, for then you would see through my pretence. Take it, not only for your sake, but especially for my sake.

I thought it would be good for me, to hold you in my arms as you take my blood.  
>I thought wrong. My selfishness backfired on me, so terribly.<p>

I thought it would ease the pain in my heart, instead it further amplified the pain. Because I knew you would leave me in the end.

I thought it would make me think differently of you, think of you as a vampire, think of you as a Pureblood. But it didn't. Your gentleness only made me remember the old Yuuki, who was gentle to me as well.

I thought I would hate you. Hate you for being the thing I hate the most, hate you for leaving me, hate you for going with him. But it didn't. This feeling remains the same.

You ask for me to erase all my thoughts, such cruel words you uttered to me as you laid down in my arms gently. Oh, you have no idea how much I wish I could. I wish I could sleep at night, I wish I could forget you, I wish I could remove all traces of you from my life. I can't. I've tried my goddamn best. I'm sorry, I can't.

But I'll lock them up. I'll lock those memories up. I'll stow those feelings away.  
>For your sake, especially for my own sake.<p>

We both know how this would end. You would eventually need to get up and leave; handle the Night class and return to Kaname's side. I would have to pick myself off the ground and continue guarding; take over the council presidency and die, whichever comes first.  
>These feelings I have can never fit in this certain future. These feelings I have are better left buried deep inside. But these feelings drove me insane, to the point that I had to do something about it, regardless the consequences.<br>That's why I was selfish enough to force you to take my blood.

Selfishness is a sin that I was punished for almost immediately.  
>But being able to feel you next to me even if it's just for a brief moment, I am willing to endure this pain.<br>People may think I'm noble for this, may even sympathize with me.  
>But I'm selfish as selfish can be, even though it may hurt me in the end.<p> 


End file.
